FROM A BOY TO A MAN

There are countless moments that fill a mother with pride--first step, soccer games, music recitals, etc. But it's not until your children become young adults that you see who they will be as husbands and wives. Last week my 17 year old son asked me if I was free at 3pm the next day. I asked him why. He hugged me and said he wanted me to meet someone. Ah, it's about a girl. 
"What's her name?" I asked.
"Jamie." he responded, softly.
"I'd love to meet her."
They were early, me a little late. I met them at the new Wagamama in the East Village. As I arrived my son hugged me and whispered "You're so late!" I was less than ten minutes late but it was clearly an important occasion for him. They sat across from me, holding hands under the table.
Jamie is the third of my son's girlfriends whom I've met and I'm proud to say that I've liked all of them tremendously, hickies and all. They are all schoolmates, which I love. They are sweet and kind and smart beautiful and clearly adore my boy, as they should.
Watching my son be a boyfriend is magical. He's affectionate and adorable and respectful. I asked another girlfriend if he opened doors, walked on the curb side of the street and she said
"Yes! He does all that! He said you taught him that."
I have always said that I am raising my children to be kind and benevolent leaders and part of that is being an amazing partner. I left the restaurant and patted myself on the back.
"Yeah, Sophia, sometimes you can be a really shitty mother, but today showed you that you're doing a great job."

 

 

EXPLANATION, NOT DEFENSE, OF MY INSTAGRAM

A brief explanation, not defense, of my Instagram.
I am not trying to recapture my 20s, I am celebrating the fuck out of my 50s.
I wouldn’t go back to being 25 for nathan. I love where I am, right here, right now.
I am not using social media to get dick. I assure you, my bench is plenty deep with or without IG.
My goal is for people, especially women of color, to look at my flix and be inspired, not jealous.
I want them to think “This bitch is 52 and she is living her life out loud. She is fearless and confident, and I want to move more like that.”
Know why? Because nothing out here tells us we are bad and beautiful and powerful. We need to find that within ourselves and each other.
I’m at the gym 6 days a week, I eat clean, and sleep well.
I don’t smoke, drink, or get high.
My body is my temple and it happens to have legs for days.
So if you don’t like it or don’t get me, get the fuck up off my page, B.

My name is Sophia Chang and I was raised by Wu-Tang.

NARCISSISM

Having managed artists, including my ex, for the better part of 30 years, I know a little something about narcissism. I've read about the condition but found this video particularly interesting and educational. As I watched, I recognized a lot of the traits not only in the men (only men) that I've worked with, but also some in myself (how narcissistic). My friends might say I have an outsized ego, supreme self-confidence, and a healthy degree of narcissism. And they would be right. However, I temper all of that with true humility that allows me to recognize the beauty and brilliance of others, which separates me from the textbook narcissist.

The question I have to ask myself is not to what degree am I a narcissist, rather why I feel so compelled to work with them. After he met an old friend of mine whom I believe suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a new friend said "Wow, you are so patient." When I asked why he said "Because you can just sit there an listen to that guy talk about himself on and on." I looked at him and said "I've worked with artists for decades, of course I'm used to narcissists."

But his question stuck with me. My dear friend Elizabeth told me years ago that she really wanted me to stop working with narcissists. And for years my friends have been urging me to author a book about my life but I couldn't bring myself to write about how cool my life is. Firstly, there are countless people with far cooler lives than me and secondly, it seemed like an exercise in narcissism. Finally, at 50, I chose to pursue public speaking seriously because I understood it was a way to use my experiences to teach people. My father, god rest his soul, was a math professor, my mother a librarian, and my brother an English professor. I was definitely supposed to become a professor as well. And now I find that life has come full circle. Such is the beauty of the universe.

In stepping into the spotlight where the focus is on me rather than brilliant but utterly self-involved men, I am answering Elizabeth's wish. I will write a book and continue to keep speaking to as many ears as will listen. And I will remain friends with but try to stay away from the narcissists who have come to define most of my career.