While I was married I never thought about other men. But in the last gasps of a slowly asphyxiated marriage, I naturally became open to the idea. I remember the first time it happened: I'd met a friend of a friend in LA--brilliant, funny, engaging, attentive. Though it was purely platonic, I found myself attracted to him. When I got back to NY and was wandering through the alluring aisles of K Mart he called. When his name showed up on my phone, my heart leapt, like a schoolgirl. And that response had me shook.
And as I ventured into the single jungle I started to look at everything and everyone differently. Some of the men whom I had met and befriended while I was married, now were potential lovers. That was deeply discombobulating. The boundaries were melting and I was wobbling about on dull skates.
The divine Corinne Bailey Rae wrote a song on her first album called BREATHLESS about falling in love with her best friend. This song was my theme song for a short time while I found myself romantically drawn to a long time friend. Though it wasn't sexual, it definitely wasn't platonic either. I wanted to run into his arms and just stay there in the warmth and comfort of his love and tenderness. Nothing ever happened, but I learned that feelings and relationships are porous and we should be open to all possibilities.