MOTHERHOOD: PT. 1

I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's the hardest and most important and most rewarding job I've ever had. My kids are my everything. If you've never met my kids and seen me mother then you only know half of me. My moments of greatest joy, innermost fear, and deepest shame stem from motherhood.

Becoming a mother changes you forever. The moment my first was born I knew I would die for my children and kill for them without hesitation. If you threatened my kids I would summon my 20 years of Shaolin kung fu training and obliterate you. I would grab the nearest anything as a weapon: I would fucking asphyxiate you with a bagel, eviscerate you with a chopstick, slice your jugular with a Metrocard. 

During my first MIT lecture a wonderful young Indian woman expressed frustration at the fact that her parents didn't understand why she wanted to go into music instead of medicine. I gave her the perspective of a mother and a daughter. A parent's primal and primary responsibility is the safety and well-being of your children. Happiness comes second. I asked her to empathize with her parents: they left their families, friends, country, culture, language, everything, to come to America not for themselves, but for their children. And to them, her choice seemed fundamentally unsafe. I now understand and respect why my mother, once I'd moved to New York, kept asking me to come back and get an MBA if I wanted to be in business. That was the safe path to her. And I love my parents for supporting me through all my endeavors and hustles 2500 miles away.

And don't get it twisted: being a mother is fucking hard. I ran into an old acquaintance once and we were discussing parenthood. I said how difficult it was and she said "Really? I don't find it hard at all. I think it's amazing and wonderful!" Bitch, shut the fuck up. If you don't find motherhood hard then you're not doing it right. And in that moment I remembered why her fake ass and I were never friends. It is herculean hard but the rewards are olympian.

Motherhood forces you to grow and give and love in ways that were before inconceivable. My children are my pride and joy and they taught me that the my heart is capable of insurmountable love. They are god's gift to me and in turn, I offer them humbly as my gift to the benign universe.