I AM NOT INVISIBLE

As a petite Asian woman I am consistently literally overlooked, ignored, and made to feel that I'm invisible. It makes me fucking nuts. Part of the reason I rock such a crazy hairstyle (much to my mother's chagrin) and dress uniquely is because I want to stand out.

Something that's happened on a number of times at the gym is that people see that I'm doing my kung fu in a straight line, up and down the floor, and will step right in my path and lay down their mats without even acknowledging me. No "excuse me," "am I in your way?" "do you mind?" etc. Recently I called someone out on it and said "I have to say that I'm astonished that you see what I'm doing and you put your stuff directly in front of me without even acknowledging me. And this is the second time. You should at least do me the courtesy of saying something." This bitch said "You should do me the courtesy of moving out of my way." I assure you that if I was a white man, she never would have behaved like that. That is one of my gauges of racism: would they have said/done it if I was a white man? The answer is almost always no.

Another memorable instance was at the movie theater. I was with my white girlfriend looking for seats. As we approached the row, she was standing behind me and there was a family sitting in the seats closest to the aisle. We stood there waiting for them to get up so we could get past them to sit down. In this case, I wasn't invisible, rather immaterial: they looked straight at me, saw me standing there waiting, and then looked away and continued to talk to each other. My girlfriend said "excuse me" loudly and they finally moved. As we sat down, my friend was stunned. Even afterwards she said nothing of the film because she was fixated on what had transpired. "I can't believe that happened! They saw us and acted like we didn't exist!" And I said "Welcome to my world."

I am diminutive but I have a huge personality and a booming laugh. I can slay you with my stare and waste you with my words. People have said I walk into the room like I'm 6' tall and that's how I feel. "I am the baddest bitch in this room and no one can fuck with me." This is what I want for my Asian brothers and sisters, and for any POC or others who feel alike: take up as much space as possible, be seen, be heard, be felt. Now more than ever. #FUCKAMODELMINORITY.