This is my jump off song at the gym. And in the clean version he says "I'm not a player, I just crush a lot." That statement is only half true for me. RIP Big Pun and shoutout to my boy Fat Joe.
Though I love being in love and acknowledge the singular emotional, spiritual, and psychic growth that comes only through romantic love, I also adore a crush because it makes me feel alive and fresh and open. I've often asked my daughter if she has a boyfriend or a crush, which she answers with an exasperated "MOM!" I tell her that part of the fun of being in high school for me was crushing a lot.
I love being unnerved.
I love feeling giddy when I look at my phone and it's him.
I love ripping through outfits when I'm going to see him, right down to the lingerie, even when I know he won't be seeing it...yet.
I love spraying my perfume on the nape of my neck, hoping he'll get close enough to smell the gentle blend of jasmine and wisteria.
I love walking into a room and scoping, hoping he's there.
I love the first time I let him hear my bedroom voice.
I love the first time we hold hands and walk though the city on a warm night, open to all its gifts and dangers.
I love it when I'm comfortable enough to let him see the girl in me.
And I love the first kiss that feels like it could last forever.