I don't believe amor vincit omnia. Love doesn't conquer all, timing does. I was head over heels in love with the father of my children; he taught me kung fu, Chan Buddhism, and the power of truly seeing every glass as being half full. "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." And it went both ways. He was raised at Shaolin Temple and I taught him a lot about living in America and running a business.
I was sure we'd be together forever, watch our kids and grandkids hand in hand. But after 12 years of living, working, and raising children together, the love eroded slowly and surely, like a single drop of water on a rock that eventually bores a hole through it. And other than the trauma suffered by the children, I'm happy that my heart got to start anew and experience the inimitable magic of falling in love all over again.
I am strongly opposed to staying together for the children, which I think is bad for everyone. Even if the parents are Oscar winning actors who can convince the world that they are still happily in love, a child, even a baby, knows when something is amiss because they are bound to us by a profound energy that nothing can disrupt nor deceive. When I told my mentor Michael Ostin that things were bad between my ex and I, he said "Soph, is that the model of love you want for your children?" No.
I honestly don't know how couples stay together for a lifetime. I'm not saying it's impossible, nor that it's not beautiful, just that it's so hard to maintain. If we believe that we are ever evolving, which we should strive for, what are the odds that the person we fall in love with at 20, or even 30, will continue to unfold at both the same rate and in the same direction as us for the rest of our lives?
Since my ex I've met some incredible men and fell deeply in love with one in particular who was the best I've ever had in so many ways. But none of these relationships lasted because of timing--whether it was because I didn't want a boyfriend or children, he was living in another city, or he was incessantly on his grind or in a relationship.
I think the Hallmark notion of a sole soul mate is a dangerous emotional fallacy. As I age, I grow, and only want to be with someone who inspires me to cultivate my garden, to quote Voltaire, and for whom I can do the same. I love and believe in myself too much to stay in an uninspired relationship for fear that there isn't someone else out there for me. In fact, I know that there are someone elses just waiting to collide into me and explore this beautiful mysterious journey of love.