BRUISED BUT NOT BROKEN

This was my theme song as I was coming out of my post-marriage funk. It was produced by my boy Raphael Saadiq and written by Diane Warren. I traveled to Europe in the fall of '07 with the wonderful Sam Martin and I listened to this non-stop. When my marriage was ending, several friends said "You're the strongest person I know." That's a profound compliment but I never said to myself "Be strong, Sophia! You'll get through this!" I always knew everything would be fine. I've never lost sleep over a break up or cried myself to sleep or couldn't get out of bed. Life is too short and once I've made a decision to leave, I'm out and never look back.

When it first became clear that my ex and I were not going to be together, I was afraid: of failure, of humiliation, of what to tell my parents. But--after four years of trying and sitting on my shrink's couch--it was an easy decision. I remember telling my mentor Michael Ostin that things were bad and he said "Is that the model of love you want for your kids, Soph?" That resonated deeply with me, particularly as I've learned so much about parenting and family from him.

And so, there I was: single, post 40, two kids, and everyone is communicating via text, sexting, sending dirty pictures. I was like Austin Powers who had just come out of his cryogenic coma. But, like everything else, I figured it out with the help of my friends. I remember the first time I had sex post-marriage Joan said "Just put on some sexy underwear and go for it." Then she remembered that all my panties looked like they were bought in bulk at Costco, and they were all large. She said "Soph, in what fucking world are you a large?!" But I did have one pink thong and got it together, got it on, and the rest is history which I'll discuss more in future posts.